#7, Bully

So to celebrate the final weekday of my Spring Break, I checked out what was playing at the Angelika and wound up treating myself to a little double feature. For my first film of the day, I selected one that I had already heard about:

#7: Bully (2011, documentary)

I first heard about this movie when I got e-mails from organizations like Change.org petitioning its R rating, which essentially barred one of the biggest, most important target audiences from seeing it. And yet, at the same time, I think that this rating made way more of a statement than a film or a person ever could:

What these 10-16-year-olds are subjected to, on a daily basis, is not appropriate for children and young teens to see or hear.

That said, the rating was bogus, totally missed the point of the film and I'm glad it was reduced to PG-13.

Onto my experience watching the film, well ... this review says it a lot better than I ever could. The narrative bounces from character to character with no real rhyme or reason. It doesn't flow well like a documentary should and this does impact its emotional viability.

Maybe I should be grateful for that, because I was a wreck while watching this, crappy flow and all. I agree with the above-linked article again that Kelby, a 16-year-old lesbian from a small Oklahoma town, and her parents share one of the most compelling stories. It is fascinating to hear them describe their evolution from selective biblical literalist Sunday School teachers to parents who defend and attempt to protect their daughter.

Without a doubt, the most gut-wrenching story belongs to Alex and the adults who have failed him every step of the way. I'm going to venture that Alex's experience reflects what most bullying looks like: largely psychological (when he says things like "You're my buddy ... right?" he receives answers like "I'm not your buddy. I will fuck you up."), not "seriously" physical (he is never left bloody) and often shrugged off as "kids will be kids."

As a teacher, the most heartbreaking, upsetting thing was watching the administrators at his school be so utterly useless to stop what is happening. Here's the thing about administrators: they have A LOT of discretion regarding discipline. I believe, without a doubt, that Alex was visibly bullied in and around school and that the administration did nothing about it. This happens for all kinds of reasons -- from a desire to have cleaner disciplinary records to a simple lack of time or energy to deal with nonphysical incidents. It's really wrong, though. I think we're at a point where we've seen enough proof that bullying causes serious, lasting emotional damage and needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY.

Alex never shared what was going on with his parents, having learned early on that if you simply shut off your emotions, the tough stuff becomes a lot more bearable. He explains some of this here (you should also watch this because Anderson Cooper is a beautiful human). While his mother seemed fairly certain that there was some pretty serious stuff going on, without him telling her she was powerless to do anything. His father, however, was clearly of the mindset that if only Alex would stand up for himself, his problems would be solved.

Finally, the bullying escalated to the point that the documentary crew had to share footage with both Alex's parents and school administration, out of fear for his safety. This lead to two big things:

1. There was an amazing scene between his parents, where his mother expresses deep grief, feeling like a horrible, negligent parent. While she recognizes that there wasn't much she could do because Alex NEVER expressed the extent of the problem, she still feels heartbroken on behalf of her son. She then explains to her husband that the only thing worse for Alex than enduring that at school/on the bus must be having to tell his father. It is kind of intoned that if his father would be more emotional, Alex might be able to open up more at home. It was a great, great moment ... and it made me forget my earlier anger with the father.

2. The parents immediately came to school. The AP they talked to doled out some of the foulest CYA politician BULLSHIT I have ever seen. While to satiate Alex's family (and, I'm sure, the film crew) they did track down some of the worst offenders and make threats about what would happen if they bothered Alex again, the administration took ZERO responsibility for the school culture they created. Here is the bottom line: if you create a school culture in which bullying is not only punished by staff, but in which it is not accepted by students ... then you've got your job done for you. The message that this incompetent administration has given students is: DON'T GET CAUGHT BULLYING. And that is why it continues. Kids are smart enough to know the differences.

I watched the same administrator deal with several other students and she always seemed to blame the victim because it was easier. While I'm sure my view is skewed and only partial, I want that lady fired.

Final Grade: B