29. The Clique (2009, Comedy)

29. The Clique (2009, Comedy)

As someone who spends a great deal of time with teenage girls – as well as a survivor of that whole … scene -- I am fascinated by that whole queen bee / mean girl dynamic. So I guess that’s why this movie wound up on my Netflix queue. As to why I spent a Friday night watching it, I can’t really tell you. Blame it on the warm weather; blame it on a long work week; blame it on the fact that I have 9 instructional days until sweet, sweet freedom! For whatever reason, I settled in this evening for some wholesome PG fun.

Did you know that the word “bitch” (and not in the context of dog breeding) is allowed in a PG film? Yeah, neither did I. Until … The Clique! This movie was fucking crazy.

There are so many things I want to say about this movie – far too many for me to stick with standard narrative flow. I must create a list of the things that made this movie so unbelievably, jaw-droppingly insane:

1. Claire. Now, I am not one for Blaming The Victim … but whoa. This girl was a major glutton for punishment; no matter how rude and hostile the clique became, Claire kept coming back for more! I think after a couple of harsh run-ins most of us would just cut our losses and avoid the Queen Bee. Claire, on the other hand, actively sought her out. It was really uncomfortable … like watching a gal with her skirt tucked into her tights.

2. Massie. In no universe could this girl be 12. And by “this girl” I am referring both to the actress and the character. Also: she was a completely fabulous supervilliain. Really just over-the-top and campy.

3. Vincent. The flaming, flamboyant art teacher. So exceptionally bitchy! I loved him!

4. Chris Abeley. The actor was kind of a nonentity, but I cannot get over how awesome it was that all the star-struck girls kept referring to him by his full name. Hee! Hello teenage years! Such a weird, weird hilarious formality. Also, they sometimes call him “Chris Babely” which is also hilarious and awesome.

Oh, man. The acting was horrible. I mean … just awful, awful, awful. The characters and storyline were completely implausible. And I was wholly entertained the entire time.

I doubt I will ever want to watch this movie again (which is why it will not get the coveted F grade), but it certainly was fun while it lasted (unlike New York City Serenade, which is probably the worst a movie can be without being so-bad-it’s-good)!

Final Grade: D